


Behind The Scenes, I Want You

by Tiptapricot



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Crushes, Enjoy and cry my children, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Season 8 sucked but the angst is good, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 08:56:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17321906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiptapricot/pseuds/Tiptapricot
Summary: Keith’s feelings for Shiro throughout the show.





	Behind The Scenes, I Want You

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this at 11pm after I finished watching season one with my dad (who's never seen it) and was reminded of how good the writing in the earlier seasons was. I love all of the Sheith fix-it fics for season eight but this is not one of those because I'm also a sucker for angst. Hope you enjoy!

Keith is thirteen when he first meets Shiro. He’s angry at the world and stubborn beyond belief but somehow Shiro finds a way in.  
  
Keith remembers Shiro smiling at him, telling him he can achieve anything. He remembers the sunset and the smell of hover bike fuel as they ride back to the garrison, and with the wind blowing against his cheeks the world finally feels open.  
  
Shiro is the first person to make Keith feel alive, and it drives him. He practices and trains and when he’s accepted into the galaxy garrison he feels happier than he’s ever felt before.  
  
When he tells Shiro the man’s eyes light up and he hugs Keith and swings him around and _god_ Keith is so happy he feels like crying.  
  
A month later he meets Adam.  
  
He’s stupid really, he doesn’t pay attention to the signs around him. He doesn’t know why he feels so odd, or why he feels so angry and bitter and confused. Why does something inside him feel broken and _why does Shiro look so pretty when he kisses other people?_  
  
He smiles through it, makes small talk.  
  
That night Keith wakes up in a cold sweat, the ghost of Shiro’s hands still tingling on his skin. He chokes out a sob in the darkness of his dorm room and he tries to rub off the feeling of Shiro’s lips pressing against his own.  
  
He doesn’t know what to do.  
  
He knows the dream can’t mean anything because Shiro has a boyfriend, and Keith doesn’t see him that way, and so of course it was nothing. _Of course._  
  
The dreams don’t stop.  
  
Keith ignores them, pushes down that fluttery feeling in his chest. If anything it's just a passing crush. He’s a teenager, his hormones are bound to mess with him, make him feel weird things.

Shiro is the one person that Keith can trust. He’s always there when he’s needed and he helps Keith work through things. He fits somewhere in Keith’s life, somewhere he needs him to. It’s so confusing it makes Keith’s head spin. He’s not the best with feelings, and this? This is something he’s never experienced. _What is it?_  
  
He can’t love him, that’s not how it works. If anything, Shiro’s like a brother to him, a piece replacing the family he’s never had. That explanation satisfies him at first. It’s rational, it makes sense.

But it feels _off_.

It conflicts with everything else. He dreams of kissing Shiro and holding him and growing old together. He dreams of making him happy and saying “ _I love you._ ” He whispers it once to himself, in the dark. The words feel sweet and airy on his tongue and they feels _right._ His breath catches in his throat and he says it again.

_”I love you.”_

And his walls crumble.

He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly into the silence of the room as the first, fat tear slides down his cheek. He crumples into himself and cries as quietly as possible as he whispers it one last time.

_”I love you.”_

***  
  
In the blink of an eye, Shiro is gone _._  
  
When Keith sees the news about Kerberos he stops, shuts off, hides himself away. He stops trying and he stops caring.  
  
Keith doesn’t remember much after that, it’s just an endless cycle of training and working and learning. He aces the flying tests and does well in classes but he’s _empty._  
  
He doesn’t sleep, he remembers that. He just stares into the dark and wonders why the world takes everything, _everything,_ from him. 

He remembers the soft words but he can’t bring himself to say them anymore.  
  
The next thing Keith remembers is pain. He feels his fist connect with someone’s jaw and stomach. He takes punches and hits back just as hard and he relishes in the fact that he can _feel_ again.  
  
Then he’s alone, the dust and dunes and heavy heat the only things left to keep him company.  
  
He remembers Shiro pushing him to overcome everything, to never give up, to never give in to pain or grief, but he gives in anyway.  
  
Keith stumbles through the next few months in a blur of anger and self hatred.

In the stagnant silence he almost says the words again, but he can’t. Not now. Not yet.

At some point the anger begins to drive him. They never found the bodies, so there’s a chance, a _chance_ , Shiro is alive.

And that’s enough for Keith.  
  
He searches for evidence. He exhausts every resource available and on some nights he breaks down because what if? What if he’s doing this all for nothing? What if he’s just searching for something that’s well and truly lost?  
  
Keith almost, _almost_ , starts to believe that, but part of him still hopes and it’s enough to keep him going.  
  
And then Shiro comes back to him, falling from the heavens like a shooting star.  
  
He’s battered and different but he’s _alive_ and when Keith hears him talk for the first time in almost a year he knows he can’t lose Shiro again.  
  
That’s all that goes through his mind as he rushes across the barren planet, Shiro’s pained voice crackling through his helmet’s communicator. Keith doesn’t stop running, even though his lungs are aching and his legs are tired and his bones feel heavy under his skin. He won’t do this again.  
  
Shiro glances at him from across the fire, speaking like he’s never going to get another chance, and it feels like all his nightmares is coming true. Keith doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. He stares at Shiro and tells him he’s going to live, he _has_ to, because Keith can’t do this again. Shiro needs to know that, that Keith can’t bare to lose him a second time.  
  
When the castle shows up Keith knows he won’t have to.  
  
From that point on Keith does everything is his power to keep Shiro safe.  
  
So when he’s standing there, the blade uniform sticking to his skin, blood seeping through the fabric, sweat dripping from his chin, he wonders if he was wrong to do so. Because when he reaches out for his comfort, his stability, he’s met with cold words that punch through him and leave him feeling nauseous.  
  
He’s angry because _why?_ Why after everything was Shiro making Keith give up everything he’d worked so hard to find? And then Keith wonders, in that little moment when everything feels like it’s falling apart, if he _knows._  
  
Because that’s the only reason Keith can think of, and his skin crawls at the thought. He goes through the motions again, calling Shiro brother and hoping he can mend whatever his heart had broken, even though it itself is lying shattered in his chest.  
  
And when Shiro turns to leave Keith _hurts_ , and so he runs, he runs to reach him, to touch him, because he _can’t_ lose Shiro, no matter what, and when he opens his eyes for real and Shiro is _there_ and _close_ and _warm,_ Keith almost starts crying. He was so sure he’d lost everything again, but instead Shiro is there carrying him and supporting him and Keith wonders how deep he’s going to fall before he stops loving Shiro.  
  
But it doesn’t last, and after everything, Keith is left staring at the empty cockpit and wondering how it all happened over again.  
  
He throws himself into searching, and he knows he’s reverting back to being controlled by anger and grief but he _can’t help it._  
  
The war pushes him, and Keith finds that he forgets his pain during the battles, when the heat of lasers and the strain of yelling take hold of his senses. He craves that release, when he doesn’t have to worry about lying awake with his thoughts to keep him company, when he doesn’t have to clean up his face every time someone knocks at his door, when he can stop sitting idly in the pilot’s seat during scouting missions, whispering sorrys into the hollow space around him.  
  
And he hates that he wants to forget, but it _hurts_ how whenever he closes his eyes all he sees is a smiling face and a tuft of white hair and Keith just _can’t keep doing this._ So when Shiro comes back to him once again Keith asks no questions. He doesn’t think because why would he? He’s found him again and _everything is going to work out this time._  
  
He’s so desperate that he doesn’t notice the little things. He doesn’t notice the temper, the memories, the piloting glitches, the fact that Shiro just doesn’t seem the same. Even though part of Keith knows it deep down, he can’t accept that the fact that Shiro is still lost, that he’s only living in a dream and that he needs to wake up.  
  
And so Keith loses him again.  
  
As Shiro stares down at him, eyes blinded by rage and sword pressing ever closer, Keith is desperate. In his haze of panic he says the words that break his heart, the words that coil and constrict in his stomach whenever they talk, the words that taste sweet on his tongue when he whispers them to himself in the safety of his bedroom.  
  
_I love you._  
  
And Shiro stops.  
  
And Keith moves.  
  
And the world around them bursts into flames.  
  
And in those moments, those precious moments while they dangle between the stars, Keith whispers it one more time.  
  
_I love you._  
  
And as everything melts into light, Keith is just happy he finally had a chance to say it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

He wakes up to Shiro’s voice, to hope and realization and a smile as he holds Shiro in his arms and promises to find him again and again.  
  
After everything is over, when the adventure is through and the dust has settled, he knows Shiro will be by his side, he knows no matter how many times he loses him they will _always_ find their way back to each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Keith stands, surrounded by white, the sky on fire and the universe open to him, he wonders _why?_  
  
_Why does Shiro look so pretty when he kisses other people?_

**Author's Note:**

> When I pasted this into AO3 there was some weird formatting stuff because it was my first time using the Rich Text option for italics but I fixed them! It’s actually kind of calming to go through and replace code. I know I might have missed some bits so if there are any odd spaces after words or other things that jump out at you just let me know!


End file.
